Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Let Go and Let God

Something that I had to do last night was "sit with my feelings". It's honestly one of the hardest things I have to do. To feel something and not act upon it is very hard for me. To have a feeling of being disgusting and worthless but yet not do anything but sit is beyond the description of torture. What I really wanted to do last night was act upon those horrible feelings by running my guts out or hiking for hours. I felt like I wanted to die. To get away from myself for just one minute of time. Please, that's all I ask for. Obviously that's not possible, so just how does someone "sit with their feelings" when pressures are forming at all sides to act? For me, art works, usually collage. Walking almost always works. Although it's not actually "sitting with the feelings", it helps me process my thoughts into something logical and puts me back into a better mindset. Writing in a journal sometimes works. Just to get those awful thoughts out of my head. Crying almost always works too. To many, crying feels weak, and sometimes that's true, but the feeling after you just bawled your eyes out is incredible. Sometimes you need to wash your eyes with tears in order to see life in a brighter and clearer light. Last night was difficult and I don't expect anyone to ever fully understand what I go through or what I feel but I do know that God knows and understands everything. He is always there, helping me push through the hardships. He knows me. He knows how it feels and He wants to help. All I have to do is reach out and say: LET GO AND LET GOD.

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