journal entry 1

april 16, 2010
the other night i was reflecting on my day at school and what i was going to do about next year for my senior year. as i thought about my day tears filled up my eyes. i'm not quite sure why school is such a torture chamber for me, but maybe it's because i'm quiet and shy and most people don't know how to react to people like that, or it's the fact that i'm an introvert who would rather be alone, than involved with a large group of people. then i got to thinking what would be better, being homeschooled or continue at my current boarding school. as i wrote a list of pros and cons, my thoughts shifted to the idea that if i was to be homeschooled or take online classes i would be alone at home, all the time, with an occtional class or two at the local highschool. then i thought about going back to boarding school and the feelings that go along with that. the feeling of being alone in a group of people who are all having fun. that on one hand i wish i was a part of but on the other hand i wish i was alone. finally my thoughts came back to reality when my boyfriend asked me what was wrong, and then he caught me off guard when he asked what my one wish would be at that moment. i had to think about that one. and as i thought, i figured it out. i wished that i was less sensitive and could just let things roll of my back. the little things get to me, i think, more than the huge things and i'm not really how to change that. if only we could all just find a solution to our feelings and just let them be what they are. how much better would that be...? hmm...